Both partners were able to recognize when her hyperfocus would be beneficial and when it should be dialed down in this process. She used her hyperfocus to intricately study and evaluate hundreds of donor profiles when she and her partner were looking to have a child through artificial insemination, and again when looking for a lawyer specializing in the specific legal issues related to their adoption process. New York City based ADHD coach Jennifer Koretsky provides examples in The Distracted Couple from her own life, in which she found an adaptive way to utilize her hyperfocus. For instance, there may be ways to draw on the intensity of the hyperfocus experience in ADHD to help a relationship. But are there any positives to it? Well, some working with ADHD would say… yes. So we’ve looked at the down sides of hyperfocus. The gradual loss of infatuation may lead to a decrease in hyperfocus, according to Orlov, and that is of course just when the relationship waters usually get a little trickier to navigate. In other words, if hyperfocus were a theater goer watching an ADHD-impacted relationship on stage, it would have left during the intermission and gone to sleep at home not too far into the second act. That feels great for both parties but unfortunately it doesn’t usually last. As a contributor to the book The Distracted Couple, she describes how certain brain chemicals, like the neurotransmitters norepinephrine and dopamine, ratchet up during feelings of infatuation, leading a person with ADHD to very closely attend to the needs and desires of his/her partner. ADHD specialist Melissa Orlov describes how hyperfocus often emerges in the early dating phase of a relationship that is impacted by ADHD. In a relationship, hyperfocus may show up early on without even needing an invitation.
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